Twenty Fucking Eight

Today was like being hit with a brick, on repeat, again and again and again. Smiling external appearance of all being well combined with feeling so fucking damaged it physically hurts.

Today marks half a year since Jackki set us all adrift.

Today I started to construct a memorial cairn with a fabulous view that will become a fitting final resting place for the ashes of my beautiful wife.

Today marks half a year of feeling lonely even amongst those I love.

Today I walked a lot of steps, staying outside in the light rain for as many hours as my aching legs could handle, chatted to a few neighbours, none of whom would know just how low I was feeling.

Today marks half a year since Jackki died.

Today, listening to the Taylor Hawkins drumming masterclass on 6 Music, reflecting on the pain another family are feeling at the loss of someone so cool at such a young age. Foo Fighters at Wembley Stadium remains one of those special memories the four of us shared and their songs can still make the hairs on my arms stand tall, taking me right back to the moment.

Today marks half a year since Jackki stopped dancing.

Today is the 28th and we were married for 28 years, 28 divides nicely by 7 which means every month it is easy to track when the 28th will come and the bricks will strike me again, this Monday has been looming since 7th, 14th and 21st.

Today. Today. Today.

2 thoughts on “Twenty Fucking Eight

  1. Dear Adrian,
    Words & sending love & hugs are not enough, the moments will come & then they fade, but never go away.
    I hadn’t thought about it before, my mind is sometimes a blank, but your friend, my Steve chose the 28th of November to leave us, we do have some lovely memories to look back on though!
    Your Jackki is out of pain, I know it’s hard for you Adrian & also for the family, but we have to try & be brave in the company of others, even though it seems to get harder…
    Take care My Lovely, here when your ready to visit.
    Sending those Hugs & Love that don’t really help, but sending just the same.
    XXXX Ruby XXXXX

    Liked by 1 person

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