1993

As we sat at the kitchen table watching for a little blue line on the test to fade away, we were no different from the Salford teenagers we had been, pregnancy was a nightmare scenario to be avoided. The line didn’t fade and we had decisions to make. In our panic ridden state we had some amazing advice from our Doctor who calmly explained that he saw a lot of similarly confused patients but that he could see we were a strong couple in a loving relationship who would thrive if we just embraced the challenge life had presented us with. We took a walk by the river in Durham city centre and did a lot of growing up that day, we were going to be parents.

Once the news was digested it had to be shared with family and friends which was a stressful process but completed mainly in person with trips to Scarborough, Morecambe and Salford and then we had to start thinking about the life practicalities such as Jackki having only completed about 6 months in her teaching job. From somewhere, partly comments from family and partly a strong desire from Jackki, we (she) decided that getting married was the right thing to do. I was terribly ambivalent to the idea and couldn’t see a reason for stretching our finances and time any further so had very little to do with the planning, Jackki showed her strength and determination and made all the arrangements.

I was still busy with the scouts as well as increasingly spending part of the working week down on site at Fawley Power Station near Southampton so my recollection is vague of the amount of running around, while working full time, Jackki was doing to organise the wedding and attend various pre-natal appointments. I think I only actually attended one pre-natal class through the whole pregnancy but that was just the realities of our busy lives at the time. Towards the end of the summer term Jackki spent at least a week away in the Lake District on a school camping trip, joining in all the walking, climbing and other activities. I had also arranged a 1-week scout camp for the start of the summer holidays which we both attended, spending a week in a field near Helmsley with no facilities at all and 20+ scouts and Duke to keep entertained.

Somehow Jackki managed to book everything and everyone for our wedding in August, sandwiched between 2 other weddings for our friends that we also attended the weekend before, in Manchester, and weekend after, in south Wales. For reasons still not understood by me she was determined to have a church wedding, a short conversation with the local catholic priest pretty much turned her against her own religion for good but the warm welcome from the CofE vicar in Shadforth meant we would be married with the approval of that particular version of God.

Our wedding day was perfect, small and done on an incredibly tight budget. Jackki was stunning in the second-hand bargain dress she had bought and had altered to fit perfectly. Having our families and friends around us for the day and seeing Jackki shine bright as the absolute centre of attention was very special. We talked many times about things we might have done differently if we had more time and money available and the only change would have been to invite more people to share the memories with us, nobody will ever look back and wish they had more expensive flowers, it’s the people who make the memories. Although a DJ who had some Take That for Aunty Brenda and a buffet in the evening would have been a few hundred quid well spent! Some of the people highlights include:

The surprise Rolls-Royce to/from the church organised and paid for by Jane and Gareth, although they had told me about it in advance to avoid triggering the first argument of our married life when I saw it outside the church. The surprise for Jackki was enhanced by Gareth spending the entire morning elaborately cleaning, polishing and decorating his own car as if that were going to be her bridal transport.

Steve, Ruby and the girls who drove all the way from Bedford to be at the church and evening do, we were delighted to see them and a little embarrassed not to be able to include them for the whole day. When Steve handed me some shotgun cartridges as we left the church in the Rolls-Royce I have never laughed so much in my life, until Arkid stood up to deliver his best-man speech.

“What can you say about your older brother that’s done everything perfect all his life, and he’s just made one mistake, and he’s paying for it now” was the line that brought the house down followed by “it’s taken 22 years, but I’ve finally got one up on him”. Dave was brilliant and I miss him so much.

My Gran, the relaxed happy and proud matriarch having a lovely day she would look back on so fondly for the rest of her life.

Christopher, Helen and Marc all dressed to impress and having an absolute ball.

Insider Vauxhall knowledge from Chris leading to pickled onions hidden in parts of the car nobody else knew were accessible and the general destruction inflicted on Jackki’s poor little Nova that had to be cleared before we could leave the hotel in the morning.

We had a short honeymoon camping in Northumberland before heading home and then off to Wales for another wedding. While camping we had left our tent in the middle of an empty campsite and gone out for the day, on our return it was completely surrounded by a school group camping trip, one of their tents was so close it was actually sharing a peg. After significant ranting from me I pulled out the pegs and dragged our tent complete with all its contents 200 yards away to an empty spot and sat glaring at the oblivious school group for the rest of the day.

I returned to work right after the weddings and was immediately working away again near Southampton, coming home every other weekend and therefore leaving Jackki to grow her baby bump and return to work herself. We were out of the habit of letter writing and phone calls were difficult from the hotel, but we stayed in contact once or twice a week with longer calls from the site office on Sundays while on double time. Jackki and Duke came down with me in the hire car for the week at half term and we stayed in one of the better hotels in the New Forest rather than the rough and ready Fountain Court in Hythe that was the site team’s usual haunt. At the end of the week a now very pregnant Jackki calmly got the train back to Durham with Duke alongside her and returned to work on the Monday.

Jackki’s plan was to work as close to the Christmas holidays as she could manage in order to maximise her maternity leave for after the baby was born. One early December day I got a call over the radio at work asking me to call home, to be told Jackki was in hospital with concerns about blood pressure. I can’t say that speed limits were observed that evening as I hammered the hire car back to Durham in less than 5 hours, but all was well in general, but it was clearly time for her to stop work and do some nest building at home. In the space of that month, she decorated the nursery, in yellow because we had no idea if the baby was a boy or girl and knitted all kinds of things in preparation. We had a quiet Christmas at home with a bag packed and at least one member of our group of friends sober enough to drive if needed, mainly Jane x, but there was no sign of the baby until January.

1994

Abigail entered our world in January and our love story became a family, more of that next time x