Seconds Out, Round 11

“In this age of grand delusion, you walked into my life, out of my dreams”

David Bowie, Word on a Wing

I had a number of options for the title of this blog post, most included some variation on a theme of fuck off 2021 but given the multiple punches in the guts that this year has provided I decided to go for a heavyweight boxing theme for the whole post. Stick with me, the analogy works.

In the blue corner, obviously, is defending champion Adrian. In the red corner is “that thing called life”.

Rounds 1 and 2 start off pretty well for the champ, lots of snow and the last few months of covid lockdown meant sledging, snowball fights, igloo building and general loved up happiness in our hilltop hideaway. We spent valentines day having a picnic out in the snow and laughing, a lot of laughing. We also got the news that another grandchild was on the way so this was looking good for an easy ride for the champ.

Round 3 continued the good form with preparation for lambing, some deck building to extend the Baa and preparation for the world opening up again giving us some spring cheer. Round 4 initially continued this form with visits from Esme and Liam and lambs starting to appear but just after a full on re-opening of the Baa with friends, family, beer and pizza “that thing called life” starts to get a few shots in. Just as the proper Lanehead spring began and lambing season was in full swing, Jackki started to get ill. As the kids and grand kids left on the 11th April her steely determination couldn’t sustain her any longer, it was like watching an inflatable paddling pool slowly deflate over a period of just a few hours as she just stopped engaging with the world through a total lack of strength. She missed the eggs hatching, chicks growing and didn’t really even notice the lambs this year at all. “that thing called life” got its first big shot in on the 19th April, my birthday, with Jackki whisked off to hospital in an ambulance, covid rules meant I couldn’t go with her or even visit. This hospital visit lasted only a few days and was largely unsatisfactory in that she came home very slightly better but was straight back to bed and clearly a long way from recovered.

Round 5 continued to be dominated by the challenger and a return to hospital on 6th May actually seemed to make some difference, although still non the wiser as to the cause of her illness Jackki’s fighting spirit was returning and her smiling face eating a Maccy D’s on the way home meant the world to us all. Such was her return to form that we were back to our Friday night pub trips to the Cowshill Hotel and it seemed the champion was back in the fight. When we missed the phone call on 28th May to tell us about the safe arrival into the world of our grandson Perry, because we were too drunk in the pub, it was clear that things were looking good and any round that ended with baby cuddles was surely a winner.

Rounds 6 & 7 were a dream for team champion. Although the challenger was always in the ring and couldn’t be ignored we were bouncing back in style. Lots of visits to get to know Perry and precious visits from Esme and Liam were accompanied by trips away in the van with family and friends to Cayton Bay and Shell Island. A precious selfie on 17th July sitting in the pub after a long walk shows everyone just how well things were going. Then just in the last few seconds of the round, the challenger gets in a blow that knocked me to the floor and really was only saved by the bell with it being so close to the end of the month. Filed a complaint with Arkid on the 28th July that he needed to sort his shit out and stop stealing Jackki’s thunder in the crap competition of who could be the most poorly.

Round 8 started positive, we were all there to support Arkid in his fight against Leukaemia but then all too quickly “this thing called life” lands a fucking blunderbuss of a punch and the world became a significantly shitter place. Absolutely devastated to lose Arkid and just cant digest it even now as I write this. Just to make the shit even shitter around the same time as DC leaving us all, Jackki also started to get ill again and as much as I wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening she just got slowly weaker and weaker.

Round 9 and in spite of Jackki’s increasingly poorly spell there was a brief glimmer of hope for the champion with the arrival into the world on 20th September of our beautiful grandson, Charlie, followed by the planned celebration of Esme’s 3rd birthday on the 26th. Sadly this little rally was to be a false hope and Jackki was admitted back to hospital on the 26th and then “this thing called life” properly fucked us all over once again when Jackki slipped away 2 days later leaving the champion flat out on the canvas.

Just about saved by the bell once again the champ held on grimly through round 10, somehow staying on his feet with glimmers of hope mainly centred on time spent with all 4 grandchildren and determined preparation for one final party for my dancing queen.

So now I face the last 2 rounds of the battle of 2021. If you’ve been keeping score above then I think the challenger is sadly ahead on the judges score cards despite the few positive rounds. xxx

9 thoughts on “Seconds Out, Round 11

  1. It will take a great effort but you will come back fighting my darling, we have all lost so much but still have a lot to fight on for. My heart is in pieces, for you left without the love of your life, the children left without a parent and their children who will miss a loving grandparent. Unfortunately this is history repeating itself and we did manage to survive, so there is hope. I love you all so much and wish I could fix you xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As with all major fights, look forward, try and focus on all the good things you have in your life. It’s not easy, but others, myself included are here for you mate.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What can I say Adrian?
    I think it’s all been said by me & many other’s, but you know where I am & your welcome here any time.
    I think I said before, it’s going to be a long hard struggle, but Jackki would expect you to smile & enjoy the children & Grandchildren as much as possible.
    Like they say, time is a healer, but your loved ones will always be in your heart & thoughts, their won’t be a day you don’t think of both Jackki & your brother.
    Love you loads, take care & take each day as it comes, good or bad, you are strong & you’ll get through this phase. Big Hugs XXXX

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Beautiful Adrian. I’m sure you will hurt for a longtime yet but it will get easier with time when one day you will feel guilty because that one day you will have actually forgotten to think about Jackki and David. ❤️ to you and family.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. That’s lovely Adrian, Jackki will be in our memories forever, at Cerys’ school during November they are doing a remembrance book and have ask for the children to write an in loving memory, so they can pray and remember them during assembly in school, Cerys said she is going to remover Jackki in her pray, I will send you a copy of what she writes xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Beautiful words Adrian. Jackki must be very proud of you all for the beautiful send off you gave her. You are part of a lovely family with loads of friends who will look after each other. It’s very early days Adrian and whilst grief doesn’t go away I think you just get better at handling it. You have two fantastic kids and four beautiful grandchildren enjoy them as they will bring you so much pleasure. I don’t believe Jackki or Dave are that far away. They will be looking after you all – just look out for the little signs that they’re still around. It’s still a beautiful world but when we lose someone so close we just have to look harder to see it. You have lots of treasured memories that will sustain you in the days and weeks to come. We’re in your corner Adrian and you’ll always be welcome in our little corner in Ireland. Sending you hugs xx

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